Why am I writing the Loner’s Chorus? I have to ask myself that question as I brainstorm and write it out. To put it simply, it’s a loose interpretation of my story and experiences in life but in a way that I wished that it would had turned out. Claude could be considered a self insert but I have to think of ways to making him distinct and unique from me while still being a vessel for the sort of struggles and desires that I want as a human being. Kayla of course, represents the one crush I had in my life all those years ago that I truly never saw again. But where she differs from her real life counterpart is from the fact that she’s more proactive with her friendship with Claude while my own interactions with my crush was more vague and distant. It’s debatable that we were even friends in the first place while Claude’s and Kayla’s friendship goes much deeper than that. Hence why I think this story is something along the lines of an idea. The idea of having someone that would be there for you, even in your lowest point of life, like a guardian angel. I want this story to sort of serve as a way to encourage others to look out for those at the bottom of society. Not necessarily those who choose to themselves to the bottom of the pits but those who had the misfortune to be outcasted from society but do not desire to be left out from experiencing the same happiness that everyone else experiences. Especially friendship and companionship.
In many ways, Claude’s experiences in high school are a reflection of my own. From his struggles in marching band, to his experiences in the classroom. The people of his past, though reminiscent of those I interacted with in my life, are just a vague interpenetration of the sort of students that were so prevalent in those days, but regardless of their personality, not one of them would go out of there way to help those like Claude. Everyone except for Kayla, whom I tell Claude’s past through her perspective, as a means to give insight to someone who takes the initiative to look after those like Claude who have no friends or allies. The friends that Claude makes in the present, represent the new era of people in a world outside of the school society. Adulthood, especially for millennials, is like a purgatory between our desires for our future and the reality of the situation. For many, dreams of success and happiness are a lost cause. For others, there are copes to hiding the true misery of loneliness and isolation in a world that seems more connected than ever and yet, so disconnected from reality. I know it sounds corny but I want to convey this story as a sort of Anti-Social Media tale so that people can go out there and see that society, for as cruel as some of us have experienced it or heard about, is not the demon we make it out to be. There are good people out there, and people like Claude and myself have to seek them out.
As I continue to write and brainstorm, I get this sense that this story might drag on for much longer than I could have anticipated. What do I want to finish this story off? Should I place some shocking climax into this story? What relationship should develop between Claude and Kayla as they spend more time together as adults? Will Claude get the relationship he always desired for Kayla? I do feel like if I make this story too predictable and conflict free, it might end up being a boring story in the end. Something has to occur to make things more interesting. At the same time, I hate the idea of subverting expectations. It’s a sinister story telling device that is often used by so many modern writers in books, movies, etc in the modern world. I don’t want my story to be as trashy as those forms of media. My story is to be wholesome, optimistic, and heart warming. Whether I succeed in that aspect is yet to be determined. I fee like I have to keep working on my writing skills and dialogue if I’m going to make this story anywhere near remotely good. I could keep making it drawn out or I can try to cut this story shorter to get to the point. It’s difficult to decide.
The last thing I want is to end up giving up like I did with my Anchovy Fanfiction (Which I plan on rebooting to improve on some of the issues I had with my plot) or The Passion of Lyra (Where I tried to create a historical fantasy setting that was way too ambitious for my time and storytelling.) where I just canned the whole thing before I could really start. I have to start somewhere small, something with a personal connection, and something I wouldn’t mind reading myself.